Monday, July 17, 2006

Too good to be true.

I think it's time to give relationships a miss, and get on with what's more productive in life. I'm officially single since the week before the last, and I've been getting on fine. Nothing much as changed, at least negatively. On the brighter side, I have way much more time which I realised I should have grappled with in a more efficient manner.

I always fail to understand why people can get so devastated over failed relationships. Perhaps its an innate expectation, a subconscious behaviour that just summons itself from the depths of your mind, manifesting itself in the so called 'sadness', 'depression' or perhaps 'despair'. I do not deny that the first few moments of knowledge that you're single again can be pretty awe-shocking. I just find myself lying on my bed, shedding a tear or two of a failed relationship. All the what-ifs bombard you like plague - What if I had done this, what if we had been this way. The list goes on. But unfortunately or fortunately, I don't feel that sort of misery that most do. Perhaps it didn't really bother me, perhaps it was just second-nature to feel numb to such incidents having been hurt over and over again. Perhaps I didn't knew how to love. But what's definite was that I saw the thing coming.

The concept of love is a perplexing subject. I guess at the end of the day, both parties just fail to agree on this fundamental concept. While I fuelled the relationships with commitments, responsibilities and the occasional romance, she was reminiscing of the past, of the beautiful memories that just failed to resurface. More importantly, she had the expectation of fuelling it with passion - something that, in my opinion, never lasts.

I'm not totally heartless in this sense. I still miss her very much, and every now and then I find myself looking at our pictures together. All the laughters, chatters and teasings are still vividly revolving at the back of my brain. But at the end of the day, they remain as memories, something I'd remember fondly as one of the high points of my life. Till then, the page is flipped over, and a chapter moves on. So much for love.

posted@7:39 PM

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